A millennial nosedive into maturity after graduation

What I have found during time spent in a fruitless search for a job related to my time at uni is that success is essentially a narcissist’s game; the resulting tailspin into obsessive criticism is only validated by numerous failures, making those ambitious yet vital for confidence interviews the biggest contender against your progress.

For many, the first item on the “how to be taken super seriously and start doing this adult thing” is to occupy their now empty lecture time with a nine to five. Now, this is where you possibly start wading your way through the morale destroying minefield that is your early life as a post grad.

So fast forward a few months and you have sent out enough CV’s that, god bless emails because you would be solely responsible for deforestation. Now the only things quids are in for are the commute to work and a bank account, maybe you have heard of one.

At this point, it’s easy to feel like you have been thrown into the deep end. suddenly your flatmate isn’t there to remind you of what “livable conditions” are supposed to look like and now nights should be spent updating your CV, not your Tinder profile.

But then it happens, through an incredible twist of fortune, you have landed that sweet career that is the perfect match for your newly realised averageness. In a short departure toward seriousness, well done you.

Passing the time waiting for that first pay slip should be spent blending in. Just lie low. I’m not saying be the office enigma or the silent unsettling type, only if you over-egg the crap out of something small like fixing the printer, then congrats your new title in life is “the paper tray guy”. You will go to staff parties and be asked to bring some quality A4 because guess what, they are running low.

Let’s not dilute this, you deserve it. Years of honing your adherence to assignment deadlines and the university libraries return policy have prepared you. Unfortunately, that lunch-time, home-time and about every other time, trips to the nearest bar have been lost along the way and your probably not going to be able to buy drugs from the guy on the next desk so it definitely lost a few perks.

In the end, you have survived the scrutiny, the doubt and most impressive of all, the battle royale that is group interviews. Your new boss doesn’t hate you just yet and you have managed to avoid getting white trash wasted at the staff party, like a fine wine or well-regarded cheese, you have matured.


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