rolling, rizla and ringtones; why call centres are a stoner’s dream.

Throughout seemingly endless days in the office and after far too many monotonous telephone conversations, I struggle to make a convincing argument that a call centre breaks the threshold of mildly engaging. but even that may be too generous.

However, there exist a certain social click, an often overlooked demographic that lead a life where the dull, repetitive nature of hundreds of ringing phones sounds like a magical opportunity. If you didn’t quite get it I am of course referring to the stoner, duh.

Frowned upon by the more conservative masses, the life of a stoner brings with it a surprising and often overlooked level of organisation, not that it’s intentional, it’s hard enough to put together a shopping list let alone establish a routine after picking up some of your guys “dankest cush”.

Yet each night the herb chasing hermit will pack, roll and smoke their way to nirvana or failing that get lost in the kitchen looking for cereal. I’ll admit becoming couch locked watching whatever channel happened to be on the box for hour upon hour isn’t the most strenuous of tasks. But it’s the ability to repeat these actions time and time again that we are looking at here so get off my back ok.

Even whilst 420 blazing it the average user of the devil’s lettuce is obsessed with routine. Roll, lick, stick and smoke. Carefully crafting the perfect welcome home blunt is a meticulous ritual, resulting in a work of art that will literally go up in smoke.

It’s this dedication to the rinse and repeat mantra of life that allows herb smokers to take to call centres so well. Whilst they have their routine, a new role must be assumed after clocking in. This hard working alter-ego doesn’t stray too far from their comfort zone as procedure never changes and the greatest challenge is staying awake after the 100th call.

As soon as they have resided to their usual desk, adjusted the chair after the last arse hat messed with the way they like it and fired up the long outdated and near unusable computer, the cycle begins.

The first call is always the same. There is no need to exert yourself, you know exactly how the conversation will pan out and the day will be filled with more of the same. A few hundred forgotten passwords later and you have hit your limit. Customers are always right so everything must be the operator’s fault and after taking full advantage of the free coffee blood pressure is at an all-time high. Sounds like things could be a bit more mellow.

The linear structure of each call and the impossibility of anything remotely interesting happening means it’s only a matter of time until the mind wanders. Now not that I am here to promote sparking up at work but weed will make anything interesting, so if your 9 to 5 involves existing in some peripheral helpline limbo, doomed to have the same chat all day then some herbal remedy may be just what the doctor ordered.

The first joint is always the same. There is no need to exert yourself, besides it has been a long day. You know exactly what the night will involve. lighters click, smoke is exhaled and colour bleeds onto the dull aspects of the everyday. same again tomorrow?




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